(3/9/2021) A friend recently posted of her experience with anxiety and depression and how God works through His creation to remind her of real truth and it made my mind think of this post from my old blog.
It's two days shy of being ten years old, but still just as true. To all who struggle with anxiety and depression: Jesus is with you. <3
Title: Campfire Therapy
Added Date:3/11/2011 8:52:03 PM
Blog Entry:
As I write to you, oh faithful blog reader, I am sitting next to a small campfire in my yard under a gorgeous blanket of stars on a cool Kalahari night. Campfires are therapeutic for me. This one has been very refreshing. These last couple of weeks I have felt overwhelmed at times with all that there is to do, the various hats that I wear as part of our LBT organization and the various tasks I juggle as a dad, teacher, neighbor, and pastor. I have experienced depression in my life, a sort of empty feeling devoid of feeling - it was horrible. Depression can come for no apparent reason, sometimes brought on by stress, sometimes not. After I faced a season of depression a few years back, I sat with my grandmother and also my mother through their own dark times, wishing I could help and understanding to an extent what they were experiencing.
I felt myself slipping back into that feeling of no feelings about a week and a half ago. I decided I needed to assess what I was trying to do and step back some where I could. I had been working with a language helper to try to take Setswana to the next level, and while I have been learning a ton, I have not had time to synthesize it in a way that sticks for me and that was leading to great frustration in class and when trying to speak. I decided I needed to step back from that some and that helped. But the week has still been long and taxing. I finally had to just sleep all afternoon yesterday to try to break the funk. Last night I sat down with the family for our evening devotion and realized we had been unable to gather in the evening for almost a week. It made a difference. Today, I spent a little time in my own personal reading and realized it had been a number of days since I carved out some time to read and pray. It makes a difference. Maya insisted that I go for an afternoon run each day even though it was the last thing in the world I felt like doing. It made a difference.
This afternoon the boys said something to their mom, you know, the kind of thing that is funny, but you're not supposed to laugh because it isn't right and you're the dad. And I laughed. I felt the humor. It felt so good. Tonight I built a campfire for the first time since November. It happened like it always does. Everyone came out and we sang familiar campfire songs and read campfire stories from 'Grandfather Tales' a ridiculous collection of tales from the American South. Rob and Eshinee Veith came and provided some outstanding fireside music. One by one the kids drifted off to sleep or just went to bed and I am now enjoying the cool Kalahari air and the stars and the glowing red goals of the slowly dying fire. And all feels right. The feelings of no feeling are far from me now and I am reminded that I have an amazing life, given to me by an amazing God, the opportunity to live and work in this place, to share these experiences with the love of my life and our wonderfully unique children is so precious. The campfire reminds me of all that I am thankful for. It is healing and renewing. And now I am going to close my computer screen so I can see it better and enjoy the stars and the cool air a little longer before heading off to bed.Talk to you soon.
